I have Bream | E1

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Isn’t it always the way? You wait ages for one purple flour-filled condom and then three come along at once. Of course the correct procedure for a chemical attack in the House of Commons would have been for MPs to remain in the chamber and remove all items of clothing. I’m not sure which is the more horrific vision: anthrax all over London or Nicholas Soames slipping out of his Y-fronts while chatting to a naked Ann Widdecombe.

Here at last is the third and final collection of Guardian columns from John O’Farrell, award-winning comedy writer and compulsive liar. In this eye-watering journey from innocence to revelation, he